And the Award Goes to...

The Worst Mother of the Year award...that would be me. At least for today. This morning was great. Charlotte slept until about 8, the we were busy busy bees. We got up, got a new diaper, nursed, had a bottle, had some oatmeal/applesauce/bananas, did some laundry, sat in the bouncy while mommy took a shower--all before 10 a.m.! We were going to visit Grandma and Grandpa Ron, then going by to see GiGi on our way back for Granddad and Jane to stop by and visit.

Brian was outside mowing the lawn and stopped to chat for a second before we left. I put Charlotte in her carseat, which was sitting on the couch, and went to hand Brian his drink and his phone...as we're discussing what time I need to be home by, I hear a crash, and turn around--no car seat. I'm assuming Charlotte was trying to sit up, since she kind of semi-reclines when she's sitting in the seat and that's one of her least favorite positions. In the process, the seat tilted and fell forward, off the couch, with my baby in it. She hit her head on the corner of the coffee table and landed on the floor with the seat on top of her.

I have never been so scared in my life.

My baby, who NEVER cries, screamed and screamed, and I cried, and Brian may have shed a tear or two. She has a bruise on her face next to her right eye, and a red spot on her forehead--every time I look at her it makes me want to start crying again. Charlotte was fine--within 10 mintues or so of falling she was laughing and playing with her feet and eating some formula. I went ahead and called the pediatrician (who takes FOREVER to call back, by the way), but that was probably for my own peace of mind than anything else. She said that it sounded like Charlotte was fine, told us what to look for, and that was that. She didn't tell us how to make me feel better though...

Ultimately, I'm more of a wreck than Charlotte ever was during the whole event. I keep playing it over and over in my head and envisioning all the things that could have happened when she fell. My ever-so-helpful husband told me, as I was sitting there holding my screaming child in my arms, that it was ok, it could have been a lot worse--she could have broken her neck. REALLY? THANKS. SERIOUSLY.

Even thinking that makes me sick to my stomach...I'm just sick over the whole thing. I feel like such an irresponsible, unfit parent. So far, this has to be the single most horrible thing no one told me about being a parent--the guilt. I'm supposed to protect her, for crying out loud! I rather failed in that venture today. I'm lucky that Charlotte is so little that she can't be mad at me, even though she should--I'm furious at myself. Brian offered to take the blame for putting her in her seat, but that's not even it...he can't take the blame from me. I know that I put her there and that I wasn't paying close enough attention. I know that she could have been hurt a lot worse than she was, because I was careless. Ugh.

I know I'm going to keep beating myself up over it...but not here. Suffice it to say that Charlotte is fine, even if I'm still a wreck. The best thing I can say will come from this incident is that I won't allow it to repeat itself, and be that much more thankful that I have an amazing, beatiful daughter (and the hubs isn't bad either).

On that note...here's a picture of Miss Silly Moo from her bath last night!